A calling card charged to career

A coworker stopped me in the elevator bank at work and told me that I seem to be extremely unhappy, at least according to Facebook.  I did?  What did he mean?  When I asked, he mentioned unhappy as it related to work and explained how surprised he was to realize this because, personally, I seemed to be happy by nature.  My prior twelve-year battle with depression notwithstanding, I am happier than ever.  Was I really projecting my career discontent into the world?  GASP, had I truly become the type of person I loathe – a disgruntled employee?

Perhaps my burnout a few weeks back is the culprit of this negative status updating during the weekdays.  Although, I stand by my most recent update that weekends SHOULD be longer.  Nonetheless, I suppose I could be marinating in career apathy since the burnout.  One tremendous realization, thanks to burnout, was that this career was not my ‘calling’ but merely a ‘job’.  In that moment of realization, while freeing, you have a choice to jump ship for a new frontier or continue along the same peaks and valleys in the vehicle of responsibility.  Being as tenacious as I am, I’ve chosen the latter, but not indefinitely.  I’m looking to turn this burnout experience into a transformational experience.

What is my calling?  If you come here then you already know…to connect through writing.

My wife is the type of person that is  good at a lot of different things – almost everything – but not exceptional in just one thing.  I’m average at best at everything – below average in most – except writing.  Had my ego not taking me on a roller-coaster in the entertainment industry, I could have very well been the Nicholas Sparks of fiction.  But, my gut listened because this path led me through experiences that I wouldn’t have experienced in the four-walls that housed a computer.  I was out living my fiction and treading heavily through wonderful chaos.  Maybe I spent too much time carving out a space in an industry that doesn’t respect me or better my life in any way other than financially, but I accomplished my childhood goals.  I set out into the world and did exactly what I said I was going to do.  Goals I couldn’t do in my thirties and dreams I wouldn’t want for my thirties.  Goals that people said were unrealistic, but I proved them wrong.  Nonetheless, the fact remains that my purpose changed.  I don’t have anyone to prove a single thing to except myself, nor do I want to.  While my ego led me down a very intriguing road less traveled where I went off-roading on more than one occasion and slug some mud, I also rode that path hard and in the end ended up riding it with the best in the industry.  All of this was done, in perfect timing, so that I was young enough to sustain passion but not old enough to realize that one day we all sell our souls just a little.  Maybe veering away from my calling to carve out another career path was where I sold my soul, but I suppose struggling artists can only go so far before hunger sets.  I guess I just bought in low and thought I would sell high, but I’ve ridden the ups and fallen with the downs.  What’s riding for a bit longer when I do cash out it’ll be HUGE and to transition into my calling -writing.

Maybe I do seem unhappy to shift my focus to enabling others dreams and goals when what I really want to do is enable my own, but that’s what Sagittarius’ like me tend to do.  I’ll tell you one thing, though, once I pursue my calling there will be no stopping me.  By now, I’ve got an off-road vehicle that will leave most in the dust and I know how to use it.

Until then, I’ll work on happier status updates.

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One thought on “A calling card charged to career

  1. Don’t worry writing will be your career one day and you will be very successful at it. It will come when you are ready for it.

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