There are people that don’t drink – ever. I’m sure I know someone like that if I think hard enough, but I’m far too exhausted for hard thinking of this sort. As a matter of fact, hard thinking is what makes me want to drink in the first place. I used to be a non-drinker, but then again those were the days when the only way to steal music was to press record and play simultaneously on your tape deck and record songs off the radio. This was no easy feat I assure you. It took great precision and timing to get it just right as to cut out the DJ chatter but yet still record the front-end of the song. I could probably count on my fingers (and yours) the number of times I’ve listened to really bad music just to record one damn song from Mike + The Mechanics, but then again this would lead me to drink. I will not drink tonight.
The people that don’t drink probably go to church in lieu of drinking. If I replaced Christianity for every drink I assure you I would do just the same amount of stupid shit except it would affect many more people than my own drunk ass. Typically, drunk stupidity would end in an unfortunate tattoo or waking up in the middle of nowhere on a train. If I were church drunk I would probably never associate with drunk people and if I came across one I would damn them to hell. Then again, if I were church drunk and wondered into a bar I would probably be the only person there not drinking.
I won’t even waste my time mentioning the underage because we can fool our parents but let’s not fool each other – they drink. If I had a penny for every liquor label or Boone’s Wine twist-off- cap I touched underage I would have enough penny loafers for every person in the United States (and Canada, but not all of North America because I was a late bloomer in the underage drinking scene).
Speaking of scene, I have to go drink….er…I mean write. I am writing, damn it, and not drinking.