TEASER: Passage from my book.

**I wanted to get my blog reader’s opinion on some of the contents in my book (nearly finished, yay), so here is a teaser.  Please comment and let me know your feedback–however negative or positive.  Also, my mom hates my book so if I can handle my mom’s dislike of it I can sure as hell handle yours…so no worries about being gentle.**

Dad wasn’t a man with a great deal of patience.  In a matter of time he was dating a nice lady with the same name as our mom, Linda; once again with two children the exact age as his own.  We adored Linda; she played with us and invested a lot of attention in us on our weekends with dad.  It was this craving we didn’t even know we needed until she disappeared just as quickly as dad’s girlfriend with the nice tits.  I overheard Granny Ben talking on the phone about Dad not being able to get any from Linda so he had to nip it in the bud early, and that she hoped the other one with tits didn’t come back because anyone with tits like that were no good sluts.

My curiosity got the better of me so I thought dad could tell me what Linda wouldn’t give him that made her disappear.

Dad’s gaze jolted to the loveseat where Bubba and I were sitting

“Your Granny Ben told you this,” He asked.

“No,” I thought I said something I shouldn’t have.  “She told Aunt Ellen on the phone.”

I sensed that tightness in energy all around me like I had done something I shouldn’t have, and Bubba hit me hard in the arm.

“Shut up dumb butt!”

“Ouch!” I screamed.

“Do you two want a belting,” Dad threatened.  “Don’t hit your sister, Bubba.”

“Well she says dumb stuff,” Bubba replied.

“I don’t either,” I defended myself not knowing what I did wrong.

“Your Granny Ben shouldn’t be saying that stuff around you,” He snarled.

“What wouldn’t Linda give you, Dad,” I wanted to know why he was punishing us.

“Shh, Falcon’s Crest is back on,” He pointed to the TV with the clunky silver remote.

Bubba elbowed me, “Shut up Sissy, you’re going to get us in trouble.”

I was getting pretty tired of no one answering my questions!  I liked Linda and I wanted to know what we did so wrong that we couldn’t see her again.  I got off the hay-colored sofa and marched right in front of the TV and turned it off because Angela Channing was never coming out of the coma anyway!

“What wouldn’t Linda give you, Dad?”

“She wouldn’t give me her candy,” He turned the TV back on with the remote.  “She was stingy.”

That was it?  Dad broke up with her because she wouldn’t give him candy?  My anger simmered to a slight confusion as I walked back and took my seat next to Bubba on the loveseat.  Moe Moe was pretty stingy with his Bonkers and would always pretend he didn’t have any candy and eat all mine, so I guess I understood where dad was coming from.  It would sure be boring on dad’s weekends without Linda around.

Advertisements

7 thoughts on “TEASER: Passage from my book.

  1. It’s very interesting and particularly notable is the connection you draw between the unconscious-conscious dynamic. I like how you mix your memories / expectations with normal everyday events.

    Is this fact or fiction ? It would be great if the book had an surprise twist in it and a happy / inspirational message, which I have a feeling that it does. 😉 I’ll sure buy your book when it comes out .

    Good Luck !

  2. Lisa, I don’t hate your book…it is just so PERSONAL! And you remember stuff I am sure I wanted to forget.

  3. I like the flashback to Falcon’s Crest and the sarcastic coma comment. It’s always great in books to have lines that trigger your own memories. I hope there’s more of those.

    Look forward to reading it!

  4. Specific feedback and questions:

    1. Using phrases like “my curiousity got the better of me”
    in conjunction with two exclamation points in the same
    paragraph tells me that the young female narrator is
    being written as she would write at that young age.

    However, the description, “my anger simmered to a
    slight confusion,” does not sound like her voice, it
    sounds written. Is she writing as a girl, or a woman
    remembering the girl?

    2. The first paragraph reminds each of us of a time we
    asked an “adult” question which created tension.
    I see that discomfort drawn out longer, so I can
    get a clearer idea of what dad feels, what she feels,
    and I’d like to hear her perception of what she is asking,
    hear what she says to father to elicit his comment,
    “your Granny Ben told you this;” is she sincerely
    unaware of the tension in the room being sexual?
    And, if she is aware–at her age level of cloudy
    awareness–that she might be on to something, I’m
    interested what her body and demeanour reflect.

    3. I ask the above because the description that dad’s
    gaze “jolted” to where she and her bro sat made
    me immediately wonder why he reacted so fiercely.
    Is he angry? Embarrassed? Annoyed? Does he
    have a fleeting thought that his daughter is just
    a woman in a little kid body, ridiculing him?

    Or, is there more to him? Did his head maybe snap
    in her direction because he was concerned that his
    little girl might already have a sense of what Linda
    wasn’t giving out? Is he the kind of man who felt
    a pang of realization, as he lied to his daughter, that
    soon she would be valued or discarded by using this
    same sexual scale? Did it bother him? Did it
    effect him, consciously or unconsciously, that she would
    soon enough be put in Linda’s predicament by boys?

    Is his calling sex “candy,” a way of him pushing his daughter
    backward into little girlhood, preserving her sexual
    knowledge, by treacling over a serious subject, hoping
    to delay his daughter’s understanding of mens needs?
    Is his crude, gruff response honest, or is he trying to
    use it to dissuade his kid from asking more questions?

    and, yes, I read everything as thoroughly as this, lol.

    Send me a chunk to read! I’ve been waiting soooo long!
    Tosh

  5. I can not believe you remember all of this stuff and in such detail! That is a gift. I would definitely buy this book and read it. It’s such a clear reflection of childhood and really insightful. Plus, you’re funny 🙂

    Good stuff. I would maybe just draw it out a little more. A few more descriptive details to set the scene.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Blog at WordPress.com.

%d bloggers like this: