Inspirational NY Gay Marriage Speech!

Graphic Work

Hi Hyperbole readers,

Just giving a quick shout out to Lisa Ackley.  She did the great graphic work for two of my projects and she’s for hire (anywhere, anytime).  Click on her name, which I hyperlinked should you need any graphic work and tell her I sent you.

Thanks!!!

 

 

President Obama @ Annual HRC Dinner

Part 1

Part 2

Heart Kathy Griffin

Genius Email Chain

Random thoughts from people our age…

-I wish Google Maps had an “Avoid Ghetto” routing option.

-More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can’t wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that’s not only better, but also more directly involves me.

-Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.

-I don’t understand the purpose of the line, “I don’t need to drink to have fun.” Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks when they’ve invented the lighter?

-Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you’re going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you’re crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.

-That’s enough, Nickelback.

-I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.

-Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the “people you may know” feature on Facebook people that I do know, but I deliberately choose not to be friends with?

-Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn’t work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ’s. We just figured it out. Today’s kids are soft.

-There is a great need for sarcasm font.

-Sometimes, I’ll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the f was going on when I first saw it.

-I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I’ll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone’s laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I’m still the only one who really, really gets it.

-How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

-I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

- I think part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

-The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to finish a text.

- A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the spread of mono and the flu. Yeah, if you suck at it.

- Was learning cursive really necessary?

- Lol has gone from meaning, “laugh out loud” to “I have nothing else to say”.

- I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

- Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron test is absolutely petrifying.

- Whenever someone says “I’m not book smart, but I’m street smart”, all I hear is “I’m not real smart, but I’m imaginary smart”.

- How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear what they said?

- I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a dick from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!

- Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using ‘as in’ examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot. Today I had to spell my boss’s last name to an attorney and said “Yes that’s G as in…(10 second lapse)..ummm…Goonies”

-What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?

- While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it…thanks Mario Kart.

- MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

- Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

- I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.

-Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

- I would like to officially coin the phrase ‘catching the swine flu’ to be used as a way to make fun of a friend for hooking up with an overweight woman. Example: “Dave caught the swine flu last night.”

-I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired.

- Bad decisions make good stories

-Whenever I’m Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don’t mind if I do!

- Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year?

-If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible.

-Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I’m from, this shouldn’t be a problem….

-You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you’ve made up your mind that you just aren’t doing anything productive for the rest of the day.

-Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don’t want to have to restart my collection.

-There’s no worse feeling than that millisecond you’re sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

-I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.

- “Do not machine wash or tumble dry” means I will never wash this ever.

-I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There’s so much pressure. ‘I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren’t watching this. It’s only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?’

-I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Dammit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What’d you do after I didn’t answer? Drop the phone and run away?

- I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

-When I meet a new girl, I’m terrified of mentioning something she hasn’t already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.

-I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it’s on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.

-Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles…

- As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.

-Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

-It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.

-I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

-Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn’t know what do to with it.

-Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, hitting the G-spot, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey – but I’d bet my ass everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time…

-My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day “Dad what would happen if you ran over a ninja?” How the hell do I respond to that?

-It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com and the link takes me to a video instead of text.

-I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.

-I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

-I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.

Greatest Act Alive: Innie Minnie Miny Mo

Coming soon to an internet connection near you….

This Shit is Bananas (B-a-n-a-n-a-s)!

The Scoop About BANANAS....who knew???
After reading this, you'll NEVER look at a banana in the same way again!

Bananas, because they contain three natural sugars (sucrose, fructose and
glucose), combined with fiber, give you an instant, sustained and substantial
boost of energy. Research has proven that just two bananas provide enough energy
for a strenuous 90-minute workout. No wonder the banana is the number one fruit
with the world's leading athletes. But energy isn't the only way a banana can
help you keep fit. It can also help overcome or prevent a substantial number of
illnesses and conditions, making it a must to add to our daily diet. Here is how
a banana can help you with:

Depression:
According to a recent survey undertaken by MIND amongst people suffering from
depression, many felt much better after eating a banana. This is because bananas
contain tryptophan, a type of protein that the body converts into seratonin,
which is known to make you relax, improve your mood, and generally make you feel
happier.

PMS:
Forget the pills -- eat a banana. The vitamin B6 in a banana regulates blood
glucose levels, which affect your mood.

Anemia:
High in iron, bananas can stimulate the production of hemoglobin in your blood
and help in cases of anemia.

Blood Pressure:
This unique tropical fruit is extremely high in potassium yet low in salt,
making it the perfect way to beat high blood pressure. The US Food and Drug
Administration has just allowed the banana industry to make official claims for
the fruit's ability to reduce the risk of blood pressure and stroke.

Brain Power:
200 students at a Twickenham (Middlesex) school were helped through their exams
this year by eating bananas at breakfast, break, and lunch, in a bid to boost
their brain power. Research has shown that the potassium-packed fruit can
assist learning by making pupils more alert.

Constipation:
Because they are high in fiber, including bananas in your diet can help restore
normal bowel action, helping to overcome the problem without resorting to
laxatives.

Hangovers:
One of the quickest ways of curing a hangover is to make a banana milkshake,
sweetened with honey. The banana calms the stomach and, with the help of the
honey, builds up depleted blood sugar levels, while the milk soothes and
re-hydrates your system.

Heartburn:
Bananas have a natural antacid effect in the body, so if you suffer from
heartburn, try eating a banana for soothing relief.

Morning Sickness:
Snacking on bananas between meals helps keep blood sugar levels up and avoid
morning sickness.

Mosquito bites:
Before reaching for the insect bite cream, try rubbing the affected area with
the inside of a banana skin. Many people find it amazingly successful at
reducing swelling and irritation..

Nerves:
Bananas are high in B vitamins that help calm the nervous system.

Overweight and at work?
Studies at the Institute of Psychology in Austria found pressure at work leads
to gorging on comfort food like chocolate and chips. Looking at 5,000 hospital
patients, researchers found the most obese were more likely to be in
high-pressure jobs. The report concluded that, to avoid panic-induced food
cravings, we need to control our blood sugar levels by snacking on high
carbohydrate foods every two hours to keep levels steady.

Ulcers:
The banana is used as the dietary food against intestinal disorders because of
its soft texture and smoothness. It is the only raw fruit that can be eaten
without distress in over-chronicler cases. It also neutralizes over-acidity and
reduces irritation by coating the lining of the stomach.

Temperature control:
Many other cultures see bananas as a "cooling" fruit that can lower both the
physical and emotional temperature of expectant mothers. In Thailand, for
example, pregnant women eat bananas to ensure their baby is born with a cool
temperature.

Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD):
Bananas can help SAD sufferers because they contain the natural mood enhancer
tryptophan.

Smoking:
Bananas can also help people trying to give up smoking. The B6 and B12 they
contain, as well as the potassium and magnesium, help the body recover from the
effects of nicotine withdrawal.

Stress:
Potassium is a vital mineral, which helps normalize the heartbeat, sends oxygen
to the brain and regulates your body's water balance. When we are stressed, our
metabolic rate rises, thereby reducing our potassium levels. These can be
rebalanced with the help of a high-potassium banana snack.

Strokes:
According to research in The New England Journal of Medicine, eating bananas as
part of a regular diet can cut the risk of death by strokes by as much as 40%!

So, a banana really is a natural remedy for many ills. When you compare it to
an apple, it has four times the protein, twice the carbohydrates, three times
the phosphorus, five times the vitamin A and iron, and twice the other vitamins
and minerals. It is also rich in potassium and is one of the best value foods
around. So maybe it's time to change that well-known phrase to:

"A banana a day keeps the doctor away!"

RIP: Michael Jackson, King of Pop

In a Dear Santa Letter in grade school I asked Santa for a Michael Jackson doll.  On Christmas I was thrilled to unwrapped a doll-size Michael Jackson replica wearing a red-leather jacket, black leather jeans, a white glove, and black penny loafer shoes.

Michael Jackson was the very first person in music that I liked, individual of my parents so he symbolizes musical autonomy in my life.  I couldn’t deny his artistry, style, and the way he made me feel as a child of the eighties.  The pint-sized MJ rocked with me for a couple years until I was able to actually start something of my own music collection.  I put the MJ doll aside as I played the Thriller record over and over trying to figure out why the girl was his but Billie Jean was NOT his lover, and all the while just a pretty young thing that wanted her own ‘bubbles’.

I suppose it’s only Human Nature to feel sadness and like a part of my childhood died as MJ passed away.  There is something to be said for MJ and there is no other artist (Madonna pending) like him and his career…well, you can’t Beat It!

Rest In Peace my childhood friend, though we never met I remember the time.

THE MAYONNAISE JAR

When things in your life seem too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar…. and the coffee.

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was fall. They agreed that it was.

So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly and the pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar
was full and they agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand fitted tip the air spaced between the balls and the pebbles. He once more asked if the jar was fall. The students responded with an unanimous “Yes”.

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

“Now,” sad the professor, as the laughter subsided, “I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things – your God, your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions – things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, and your car. The sand is everything else – the small stuff.”

“If you put the sand into the jar first,” he continued, “there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life.  If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take your partner out to dinner. Play another 18. Take time to get medical checkups. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first, the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.”

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented The professor smiled “I’m glad you asked- It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there’s always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend”

I read this and it marked me very deeply.

“The soul, the consciousness, is like water: water is pure, but as soon as it falls from the sky and touches the ground, it becomes muddy.”

–Srila Prabhupada